Regret.

I regret the moment I realized I don't believe in God. I didn't know how significant this realization was till a few years later. To believe in God is too optimistic perhaps. I wish I had that firm optimism. Sadly I don't. Maybe it is because of the way I was brought up.. Skepticism is a way of life. To question every belief and not accept anything as it seems is a habit which I regret from the bottom of my heart. As a child I used to begin my prayer with the words- God, I don't think you exist, but if you do exist.. Now I wish I had accepted the existence of Him as an absolute truth.
There is something so fascinating how some people have unquestionable faith in Him.(or Her.) These people have a firm belief in a supreme being and fate too mostly. This faith answers all their questions. I envy them. Of course there is the question that if given a choice would I choose strong and blind belief in Him or what I have now... maybe I would choose what I have now. But I will not be so arrogant to say there is no God. One might say one is an agnostic. Should quote Bertrand Russell's stand on this. On being asked if an an agnostic can be considered an atheist, he said, "an agnostic may hold that the existence of God, though not impossible, is very improbable; he may even hold it so improbable that it is not worth considering in practice." Maybe that explains my non-belief. Or so I would like to believe.