The story of the good Brahmin. - Voltaire

"I wish I had never been born!" the Brahmin remarked.

"Why so?" said I.

"Because," he replied, "I have been studying these forty years, and I find that it has been so much time lost...I believe that I am composed of matter, but I have never been able to satisfy myself what it is that produces thought. I am even ignorant whether my understanding is a simple faculty like that of walking or digesting, or if I think with my head in the same manner as I take hold of a thing with my hands...I talk a great deal, and when I have done speaking I remain confounded and ashamed of what I have said."

The same day I had a conversation with an old woman, his neighbor. I asked her if she had ever been unhappy for not understanding how her soul was made? She did not even comprehend my question. She had not, for the briefest moment in her life, had a thought about these subjects with which the good Brahmin had so tormented himself. She believed in the bottom of her heart in the metamorphoses of Vishnu, and provided she could get some of the sacred water of the Ganges in which to make her ablutions, she thought herself the happiest of women. Struck with the happiness of this poor creature, I returned to my philosopher, whom I thus addressed:

"Are you not ashamed to be thus miserable when, not fifty yards from you, there is an old automaton who thinks of nothing and lives contented?"

"You are right," he replied. "I have said to myself a thousand times that I should be happy if I were but as ignorant as my old neighbor; and yet it is a happiness which I do not desire."

This reply of the Brahmin made a greater impression on me than anything that had passed.

Regret.

I regret the moment I realized I don't believe in God. I didn't know how significant this realization was till a few years later. To believe in God is too optimistic perhaps. I wish I had that firm optimism. Sadly I don't. Maybe it is because of the way I was brought up.. Skepticism is a way of life. To question every belief and not accept anything as it seems is a habit which I regret from the bottom of my heart. As a child I used to begin my prayer with the words- God, I don't think you exist, but if you do exist.. Now I wish I had accepted the existence of Him as an absolute truth.
There is something so fascinating how some people have unquestionable faith in Him.(or Her.) These people have a firm belief in a supreme being and fate too mostly. This faith answers all their questions. I envy them. Of course there is the question that if given a choice would I choose strong and blind belief in Him or what I have now... maybe I would choose what I have now. But I will not be so arrogant to say there is no God. One might say one is an agnostic. Should quote Bertrand Russell's stand on this. On being asked if an an agnostic can be considered an atheist, he said, "an agnostic may hold that the existence of God, though not impossible, is very improbable; he may even hold it so improbable that it is not worth considering in practice." Maybe that explains my non-belief. Or so I would like to believe.

Tee Vee anyone?

How much TV is too much TV? I mean how do you know you are watching indecent amounts of television when you are really looking forward to the next show. And the next one. AND the next one... Sigh. Its bliss. Wedging yourself in front of that screen... watching shows, movies, shows about movies. With a popcorn bowl of the perfect size,(big. BIG.), at that perfect distance from where you can reach it without too much effort, feet up on furniture, completely oblivious to the fact that the people around you aren't noticing you anymore maybe because you've pretty much done the same thing for the last two days.. wow. Add to that no phone calls... And I love it. Its great being completely invisible to everything and everyone. It is a time of self discovery, solitude, peaceful reminiscence, introspection and retrospection. And I have discovered.. that I, am in my Garfield phase. Which apart from being my invention basically allows me to be completely lazy, procrastinate, watch filthy amounts of TeeVee, eat lots of junk food and ignore all the important people in my life and not get screamed at about it.. because m in my Garfield phase C'mon! They gotto understand that much I guess. I mean there are some days in everyones lives with complete inactivity.. (Hmm.well. m hoping here.)I mean.. Doing perfectly nothing is an art.Takes a lot of patience to sit still and just.... be.
Oops... Barney Stinsson back on the show. Gotta go! Happy lazying around!!